Mr Fuzzy Jacket
by Domenic
Summary: Simply a collection of drabbles focusing on the Homunculus, Greed. UPDATE: DRABBLE 26 ADDED! Also, this now contains spoilers for the entire series.
1. Drabble 1

EDIT: Just fixed the spelling of one of the names.

A/N: This draws inspiration from Behind Red Eyes, a Scar drabble collection written by Shiruba Neko, i.e. suggested reading for y'all. Basically, it will be the same concept as hers, but focusing on Greed, my #1 favorite FMA character. I plan for it to be very...widespread. Meaning, the drabbles will be in different genres, AUs, manga and anime, etc. Also, the drabbles may not always be set in Greed's POV, but in others' POVs thinking about him...or a mix of them both.

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist; if I did, Greed wouldn't have died so relatively soon, no matter how bittersweetly cool his original anime/manga deaths were.

Drabble 1: What Kind of Name is That?

"...Has to be a nickname."

"Well, duh; who the hell names their kid Greed?"

"Martel, Dorchet, shut up."

"DON'T TELL US WHAT TO DO ROAH!"

"..."

"Sorry, it's just--"

"We're--"

"It's fine; honestly, it's not that your noisy chattering's bothering me..." Both snake and dog chimeras had their grunts ignored by the largest chimera.

"...It's just that it seems vaguely like gossip."

Serpentine eyes narrowed.

"Gossip? The hell, what are we, high-school girls?"

"Gossip is defined as talking behind one's back."

"We're just curious about the guy," snapped Dorchet, fingers unconsciously tightening around his blade.

"What guy?" Roah whirled around so fast, he knocked both Martel and Dorchet's shocked faces backwards with a loud SMACK!

"Youch," muttered Greed sympathetically as he sat down with the chimera trio, having just arrived seconds ago; behind his glasses, he observed Roah helping Dorchet and Martel up, both currently awkward and pissed around each other. They'd been like that for a while, ever since their grand escape from 5th lab hell, and the homunculus chalked it up to pent-up energy finally being released. He found it amusing to watch, and yet kinda sad. Certainly he could empathize with them. Idiotic seal...

"So...who were you talking about?" Greed's suspicions were confirmed as the chimeras nervously waved him off.

"Guys...is there anything in particular you want to know about me?"

"...We're that easy to read?"

"Don't feel bad," Greed began in a mocking arrogance. "Few can fool me." The homunculus found Martel's snickers pleasing.

"So really," he began again, flipping off the mocking arrogance and switching to normality. "What do ya want to know?" Honestly, he'd rather not give out his history, but Greed felt he'd be lying if he wouldn't be open with these three--

"Your name," they all said simultaneously. The man blinked his violet eyes rapidly in a manner that Roah, Dorchet, and Martel all found rather cute.

"Uh...my name?"

"Ya-huh."

"...That's all you wanted to know?"

"Oh, come on," the dog chimera began indignantly. "How many parents name their kid Greed?"

A flash of Dante before the glasses, followed by a blurry image of just the opposite, a dark, female face that made the homunculus all warm and longing and possessing of the greatest avarice... Worse than thinking of his ex-master, an unbidden human memory had come to pass.

Greed would not share his discomfort. Not yet.

Thus, ever so calmly, he began telling his friends the bare truth.

It took the regrowth of his head after his self-decapitation to finally convince them that he was, indeed, a genuine homunculus, capable of all that joyfully agonizing regeneration. Greed never really found it pleasant, that feeling of flesh and bones snapping into form, and through this little experience, realized how difficult it was to decapitate yourself. (That, and that the chimeras were waaay overly anxious; growing your head back wasn't really anything to get freaked out over... Although, the stinging slaps to his face told him otherwise, shield or no.)

A/N: Heh heh, gotta love Greed's chimeras! (Martel, Dorchet, Roah...come on, you know they're his, and willingly to...) Anyway, hope you enjoyed that, and please leave a review.


	2. Drabble 2

A/N: Forgot to mention...title's inspired by a DeviantArt Greed fanclub with the same name.

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist; if I did, Greed wouldn't have died so relatively soon, no matter how bittersweetly cool his original anime/manga deaths were.

Drabble 2: Dinner

How long had it been since Martel cooked?

Not nearly as long as Greed had eaten, clearly.

Roah's face was so stony that it was obvious he was hiding his digust, while Dorchet sat on a chair, hunched over its back and arms draping it, his face slack-jawed as he shamelessly gawked, and Martel just wanted to go some place faraway and puke.

Greed was blissfully unaware, shoveling bowl after bowl of rice into his fanged jaws, violet eyes closed in childish delight. Then came the noodles, which he slurped down with wide-eyed surprise.

"Yournoodlestastesogood," the homunculus managed out after pausing for a fourth of a second, then diving back into the remaining half of bread baskets. Then he went back to the rice and the noodles. Then to the rolls of sushi. Then the tempura. Then the dumplings. Finally Roah just had enough, and proceeded to drag Dorchet out of the room, who in turn proceeded to whine about missing a freakin' miracle.

Roah left Martel alone, since there remained the terrifyingly likely chance that Greed would ask her to cook seconds. The snake chimera looked at the eldest chimera's back and mouthed "coward" before hearing the most satsified sigh she had ever heard coming from the homunculus.

Leaning back into his own chair, all the plates and bowls empty except for a litter of spoons and forks, Greed actually looked vaguely sleepy, again appearing for all the world like an overgrown child. Thankfully, the snake chimera found that the simile didn't brand the homunculus a brat.

"Really, thanks a lot Martel," whispered Greed in a groggy voice as he gazed at her with droopy eyes and a lopsided smile.

"...Are you sure your name's not Gluttony?"

Martel's coy expression soon burst into laughter at the disturbed face on Greed.

A/N: Pretty sure everyone can understand Greed's horror at being compared to the actual Gluttony. (Especially loved Martel's cluelessness in this; by this time, I'd imagine the chimera trio haven't heard of the other homunculi.) Upon consideration, I've realized that the whole eating-like-a-pig thing is a bit of an apparently beloved anime institution...well, I like it anyway. And I really believe Greed would have a truly huge appetite and ferocious feasting habits, and it would look so cute with him. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and please leave a review.

P.S. Thank you to those who have reviewed already by this point; I appreciate the support, and I hope you all keep reading! (And welcome to any new readers...)

To Psychodog: Actually, I've been keeping an eye on your Greed fic, skimming it, but leaving no reviews! Bad me; not giving a fellow author that highly valued sustennance, reviews... Right here, I can say your fic's good, and eventually I'll leave a review on each of your actual chapters. (Especially pleased by how quickly you're updating; hope the speed continues.)

To Nelja: I plan for the rest to be just as good, and I hope I could meet that goal. I wonder though, exactly what were the interesting and funny parts for you? (Although, I do have some idea what parts they were...)

To Dogtag-XD: Oh yeah, it is definitely sad how quickly he died in the anime and manga, and even if his deaths--characterization-wise and dramatic-wise--were ultimately cool and sophisticated, it's still sad, since there is some untapped potential. (I have all sorts of ideas of what things in FMA would've been like if Greed had lived longer, or just lived to the very end...some of those ideas will be here in the drabbles, and some may actually grow into long-term fics.)


	3. Drabble 3

A/N: Again, this one's inspired by Shiruba Neko, in particular the 10th drabble in Behind Red Eyes. Also, for this drabble's timeline, I suppose it will have to be a bit AU, like say, Greed lives longer. (Yay!)

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and never will. I don't have the same greedy drive like a certain homunculus I love--er, admire.

Drabble 3: Can I Keep Her?

Izumi Curtis was in a fairly bad mood; in other words, ready to kill. How Dante, even after all these years of graduation, could still manipulate Izumi into carrying out her shopping errands, was beyond the pale woman. All she was certain of, was that she didn't like it. Trying to calm down as she continued walking toward the mansion, Izumi tried whistling a cheerful tune, which just resulted in a broken and harsh little jangle. Stopping and growling, she considered tossing the bag.

Izumi did indeed toss the bag once she noticed a mysterious figure laying in wait for her in the alley's shadows; the groceries hit the figure with a satisfying smack, but then there came dismay when it purred out a pitiful "MEOW!" The alchemist smacked her head, shaking it in tired disappointment, not noticing the **other** figure come up behind until...

STAB! "Huh?..." Glinting needle in her neck, and Mrs. Curtis was off to drug-induced dreamland...

&&&&&&&&&

Dorchet's blood-curdling scream brought both Roah and Martel barreling down the staircase, both in turn screaming "WHAT!" Soon, they too began cowering next to Dorchet. A seething and wrathful Izumi Curtis tends to do that to a person, even when bound securely to a chair. It was the twitching of her body that warned of impending pain that was truly terrifying. Then arrived one of the few oblivious to this particular alchemist's intimidation skills: Greed strolled in with a can of beer, which he promptly opened as he nestled himself behind Izumi, hugging her possessively with the tattooed arm, while gulping down the alcohol. Once finished with said beer, the homunculus swiftly crushed the can, throwing it perfectly into a nearby wastebasket, then asked quite innocently before gently kissing Izumi's red cheek, "Can I keep her?"

A/N: Ever since I saw the first meeting/fight between Greed and Izumi in the anime, I was bombarded with Greed/Izumi vibes; I was pleased to find those vibes continued--or more like originated--in the original manga I read on the Internet. I just find the Greed/Izumi pairing to be cool, cute, hot, awesome--all those good things, that I'd like to go into detail in future drabbles or long-term fic. The only problem with the unconventional couple that I have...I'm also a canon Sig/Izumi shipper. I can't help it, I just find their pairing good too. However, if Izumi wasn't happily maried to Sig--in other words, not married to Sig at all, or never met him--it would so totally be Greed/Izumi.

P.S. Thanks to all the reviewers so far!


	4. Drabble 4

A/N: EDIT--Changed my mind, it won't officially be a series on my interpretation of Greed's history; still, this drabble...yeah, still on his past.

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me; if it did, I wouldn't be here writing a ton of FMA fanfiction, but a ton of FMA scripts. (Oh, if only...)

Drabble 4: Remembrance the First

Greed's human mother had been Ishbalan. How she had ever fallen into bed with an alchemist like himself, Hoenheim never could figure out. Likewise, he could never truly rationalize how he had fallen in with her--no, she had a name. Ariel. Petname Ari. Yes, that was one of the things he had liked about her, the way her name rolled down his tongue, just as well as her body did. And there were the comfortable silences too; in all his years since murdering her, Hoenheim never found anyone else he could be comfortably quiet with. Perhaps that stemmed from the fact that she had been the most quiet person he had ever met. Dante was sultry loud, Trisha blissfully at a normal volume, but Ari...Ari nothing but quiet ice in Amestris winter.

Even during delivery, there had been a total lack of screams, which ruined his carefully constructed plan of standing stoically in the hall, when instead he ended up tightly gripping Ari's dark hand as he kneeled by her. Odd, how Hoenheim can still clearly go back to that hospital room of tan adobe stone, and smell all the sweat and blood and sand; it was only blurry recollection with Edward and Alphonse, and a dismal black hole of forgetfulness with the child Envy had been...

Yes, there had been no screams, save for the baby's. The doctor, despite muttering before under his breath about giving birth to a lousy half-breed, held the infant quite gently and protectively. Without thinking, Hoenheim had held out his arms for his son; again, that had not been part of the plan, Ari was to hold the child first--

"He is Nicholas."

Hoenheim nodded numbly, humbled by both mother's authority and son's impossibly wide crimson eyes; Greed had been the only son he had not named...and in a way, even as a sin, he was still very much Nicholas. In the aftermath of many experiments, the ancient man still could not understand why that was so with his boy.

A/N: Meh, what can I say, I'm just fascinated with the idea of Greed once being Ishbalan. I hope Ariel turned out well, and not Mary-Sueish; if she doesn't strike anyone as Mary-Sueish, hopefully that will continue on, since she will appear a bit more in the future. (Greed's human mom just had to be an oc, since there's no mention of her at all in the anime or manga...it's up to fanfiction to imagine what she's like.) Also, I've mostly heard second-hand info on how Greed was the ex-husband of Dante, but that's about it; I'll think I'll use that eventually, but add my own twist to it. And, Hoenheim as Greed's human father was inspired by some FMA manga I read on the Internet involving Greed and Hoenheim, as well as a fic by Sinister Tomato called Graves in the Snow, i.e. another bit of suggested reading. Oh yeah, hope everyone noticed the "murdered my sorta-girlfriend" bit from Hoenheim; that is sooo gonna be elaborated later.


	5. Drabble 5

A/N: EDIT--Returning to something a bit more humorous--and still AU. (A lot of these drabbles will be AU...)

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me; if it did, I wouldn't be here writing a ton of FMA fanfiction, but a ton of FMA scripts. (Oh, if only...)

Drabble 5: Almost Blind Date

Today was a particularly good day, a real stroke of luck meeting her while taking a walk. Real good thing he had decided to visit Central in the end, to, ahem...negotiate a business deal with some irritable clients for the Devil's Nest. They'd gotten off on the right foot, falling into conversation easily, slipping around the words as if they were on ice. Not that the conversation was anything ground-breaking, just relaxing and calmly and vaguely fluffy...not that the woman herself was fluffy. Greed found her hard and fierce, yet strangely kind, and well...she was just hot, a truely fine specimen of the arguably more efficient sex. Reminded him a lot of Izumi... But, apparently she belonged to someone else, and there lied the temptation to plan on snatching her away, but the Homunculus found himself rather reluctant, if only since her eyes told him quite plainly she'd never be happy in the possession of anyone else. Again, similar to Izumi...

Thus, Greed was rather surprised when the woman asked him out for a date.

"I don't even know your name," he replied cooly, once wiping the shock clean off his face.

She just smiled.

"So then...would this be a scheme to make your guy jealous?" As he learned in his relatively short time with her, she looked even hotter when she glared.

"Because, you know, I would help if that were the case," said Greed with a chuckle under his breath, a playful smirk on his own lips. She obliged, returning her own small smirk.

"What about if it were for real? What if I just wanted to go out to with someone who could probably show me a good time? With restrictions, of course," ending on that note with her smirk widening a margin.

"Of course... Just a bundle of harmless fun, eh?"

"Hmmm...Riza Hawkeye."

"Eh?" The woman stood up all smiling, her tightly bound, yet slightly loose blonde hair drifting a little in the breeze.

"That's my name Mr. Greed. I expect you to pick me up around 7:00 sharp this Friday." And she left, walking down the same hill where Greed had first seen her.

A/N: Right, this will end in Roy/Riza, with Greed in the middle of course, just to make things unique. The whole Riza dating Greed while loving Roy...my logic--well, honestly, for a funny plot I have in mind, but also...I think it could realistically work. And, perhaps subconsciously, Riza **is** trying to make Roy jealous... Also, I won't go into too much detail over the, uh, negotiations Greed's doing in Central...

P.S. Was Riza a surprise for y'all in the end? (I hope so, that was the intended effect...)


	6. Drabble 6

A/N: Here's the sequel to the last drabble, "Almost Blind Date". It's also a semi-sequel--or perhaps the true beginning of a running gag--to the very first drabble.

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 6: She's Dating Who?

"What kind of name is that?"

"Roy, I'm pretty sure Riza said Greed was his **last** name..."

"He's named after a sin Hughes! That can't be a good sign--"

"It's just a name, you don't know the guy--"

"He's going out with Riza tonight--"

"Exactly."

"...Wipe that damn smile off your face Maes."

"Come on Roy, it's obvious; this is a sign for you to get your ass into gear and finally go after Ms. Hawkeye in an actual commitment, you know, that thing where marriage and babies come thereafter--"

"Gah, you're twinkling like Armstrong--"

"--Or it could be a scheme conducted to stir jealousy and provoke you into making a move; still, your next course of action remains the same, true and clear..."

"I'm following Riza tonight when she goes out with that Greed."

"Uh, no, that's not the true and clear action my friend--"

"Said she'd be going out around 7, so better secure an initial hiding spot a little while before then, and just continue moving covertly as they both proceed to the restaurant--"

"Roy, start thinking of alternatives, not of stalking methods!"

"--If he takes her to some crap bar, I'll fry him!... Covertly."

"Roy, you know this is a bad idea when **I'm** against it!"

"Mr. Hughes--"

"Scieszka? What the--what is it?"

"Uh, well sir, I finally got that case record done for you--hey, wasn't Mr. Mustang here? I saw him a second

ago--"

"What! Ah, damn it, he ran off!... Oh god, Riza's gonna kill him..."

A/N: I challenged myself to write this particular drabble all in dialogue, and I wonder if you guys think it worked well. Next up is the conclusion to this little Roy/Riza with Greed in the middle... Also, so happy to have included Hughes, he's one of my absolute favorite FMA characters; he's right up there with Greed and Scar... So sad when he was killed off, I actually felt numb that night. (There's really a very special personal story with ep. 25...but I can talk about that another time.)


	7. Drabble 7

A/N: And here's the conclusion to the last 2 drabbles.

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist doesn't belong to me.

Drabble 7: Trust Me, Shooting Leads to Good Things

Unable to think of a more sophisticated way, Greed and Riza resorted to playing rock-paper-scissors to decide on what restaurant to visit. Ms. Hawkeye won, and she led the Homunculus to a place that was in between being Dante-mansion extravagant and Devil's Nest-drab; in other words, perfect. The menu was...well, Greed wouldn't kid himself with judgements, he never discriminated food. Nor did he ever notice people's amazement at his feasting habits, thus Riza's wide eyes went quite unnoticed as he began slurping down the massive bowl of noodles. If he had noticed, the Homunculus might've realized how remarkable it was for Riza to have only gawked for approximately 3 seconds, then start on her own dinner; the woman had unknowingly broken a new record.

Even more amazingly, their decent conversation continued amid Greed's gorging; he finally learned that Riza worked with the military, and instinctively he hoped she'd be careful, and not get sucked into some hellish experiment like Martel, Dorchet, and Roah had been; she asked more about his bar, and teased him a bit about his current clients in Central, due to his mystery about them; they talked about a bunch of things, and ended up consuming a fair number of drinks.

In the end, Greed finally noticed the stalking presence behind them as they were returning to Riza's apartment. A full second later, the second coin dropped in, and the Homunculus smiled quietly to himself as he prepared the prank. Knowing full well that Riza's man would see quite clearly from his vantage point, Greed smoothly slipped his arm around the woman's waist, and began waiting for the gun...

CLICK! He actually hadn't expected Riza to keep the embrace intact while aiming her gun toward him; the metallic muzzle pressed against his cheek, a no-nonsense expression on Ms. Hawkeye's face, the Homunculus began with, "Riz, I know I'm breaking one of your restrictions, but it's for a good joke--er, cause. Your man's here..." That no-nonsense expression still on her face, the woman removed the gun from Greed's face; then, with absolutely no warning, she gave him a small, yet warm peck on the cheek, and to his chagrin, he blushed. Then came the shot.

"DAMN IT RIZA, YOU ALMOST GOT MY HEAD!" Greed looked a little disturbed as he observed the disheleved brunette, who had plopped down onto the cement sidewalk, a still smoking hole a couple feet above his head.

"Ah, Riz, I'm not sure shooting at him's the answer, talking to him would be better--"

"Oh, I'll talk to him alright, but only after I get a couple of more shots in." Another resounding click. The blue-clad brunette unconsciously flinched.

"...Dude, I'd start running now." BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! "Gah, Riza, can't we skip the shooting--" BANG! BANG! "SHIT!" BANG! "Mustang, running away just makes things worse."

The chase was on, but not before Hawkeye momentarily paused, shouting to Greed, "Next time you're in Central, look me up!" The Homunculus consented with a simple cheerful wave, and a mouthed "Good luck." Greed listened to the resounding curse words and shots as if they were parade music for a little while longer, before heading back to his hotel. On the way, he amused himself with rather dirty thoughts of the trigger-happy Riza and her Mustang...

&&&&&&&&&

Greed would've have much appreciated seeing the real couple in action.

In Hawkeye's apartment, the rising sun glinting through her window, the blonde muttered in Roy's arms how lucky he was to have shooting first, considering what came after. Faintly, he gave a genuinely warm smile, and tucked Riza more comfortably into the covers, which he soon dove under again...

A/N: Well, so ends the Greed/Riza/Roy trilogy; hope you all enjoyed that little romantic comedy. Truly, the whole thing was inspired by a picture I recently saw in that "Art of Fullmetal Alchemist" book at a Borders store, (although the book really was only for the manga, and some of the videogames), in which Greed's hugging Riza and she has a gun "pressed against his cheek, a no-nonsense expression on Ms. Hawkeye's face". I had laughed quietly in my mind upon seeing that pic. (Although, with that pic, it's like a small scene within a bunch of other small scenes, so you'd have to look carefully.)


	8. Drabble 8

A/N: Meh, no reviews at all for the last drabble, but I've grown tired of waiting to update, so here's the next installment, finally. (On a side note, been thinking of doing some Christmas FMA story, either in a drabble here or in a separate fic entirely. Do you guys have any ideas on what I should do?)

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist is not a part of my own property.

Drabble 8: A Chance of Rain this Night

"Hmmm...another new Homunculus, eh?"

Sloth found Greed's voice far too easy-going as she looked straight into his violet eyes, penetrating his glasses, all the while completely ignoring the dagger he stabbed straight into the center of her hand; both were aware the knife meant very little. But to Sloth, Greed's reflexes had been rather remarkable, and she was still pondering on how the Homunculus had guessed her identity. Although she had taken pains to dress herself in as skimpy an outfit as possible to blend in more with the typical feminine crowd of the Devil's Nest, Sloth had made sure her tell-tale Ouroborus mark was hidden. Thus, there must have been a more subtle hint. Perhaps she had let something slip while feigning drunken babble? Or had it been her own violet eyes she had foolishly neglected to conceal? No matter, she was found.

"Any plan on how you'll approach this." Sloth's voice was mocking, and Greed's eyes began to glint.

"More likely your impulses controlled you," she continued, thinking how messy impulses were, thus earning her disdain. This Homunculus positively **reeked** of impulsiveness.

"Greed..." It was one of those 5th lab guinea pigs, and a couple of others were behind him, swiftly ushering out the few remaining drunkards, yet their eyes were riveted to the Homunculi pair. With a single harsh glare, Greed ordered the trio, and they grudgingly obeyed, slowly trailing up the stairs, leaving him alone with Sloth. Turning back to her, Greed growled at Sloth's bright smile, who mouthed the words, "I've learned a weakness." And then her stabbed hand began to liquefy, and the elder Homunculus had his eyes narrow in on it, taking in this one's unique power.

"Ultimate Tsunami," he muttered absently.

"Feh, I care little for nicknames," answered Sloth before completely collapsing in on herself, and this sudden act truly pulled surprise out of Greed, but his unreal breathe froze as he felt her solidify right behind him.

"You move pretty damn fast," was all he could say.

"I'm water," she said as if it answered everything, and perhaps it did.

"How odd; with those chimera rats as proof, I may have to accept that you're a lot more human, a challenge to practically everyone's perceptions." Leaning in closer, Sloth hissed a final whisper. "But honestly, all that matters to me is how easy this makes things, how vulnerable you truly are, Ultimate Shield."

For a moment, Greed was still, then he turned around, his face stony and hard. "Touch them," he whispered, "and in the end, there won't be anything left of you." Sloth gave one final smile before melting away again, knowing as well as he did that his dead seriousness had betrayed him.

A/N: Ever since that Wrath episode on CN's Adult Swim I saw, in which for me it really struck home that the Homunculi were the by-products of failed Human Transmutations, I instantly began searching through the number of Homunculi I had already seen, looking for the one who had been Trisha Elric. Then I realized, "Of course, it's the Fuhrer's secretary, what's-her-name...Sloth! Yeah, that's it, Sloth!" Read a couple spoiler fic after that; ended up finding her rather cool, and yearning to write her as one of the ways I saw her: a coldly calculating and manipulative villain, with a twisted grace, and quite a dose of arrogance...as well as a bit of a bitch at times. So yeah, I like Sloth, and I plan to do something special with her and Greed--thus, there'll be sequels eventually.


	9. Drabble 9

EDIT: Just fixed a small spelling/grammar mistake.

A/N: Heh, really enjoyed the reactions I've received so far for the last drabble; Sloth/Greed? LOL! Who knows; I have seriously been thinking about going down that path eventually, and that idea was in mind when I wrote the last drabble, but...I'm pretty certain they're going to hate each other's guts, and doubtful that'll ever change; I plan for their drabble series to be...twisted. (It sure was fun to write those 2 first time around, of course... And I may write a Lust/Greed eventually, but I imagine it wouldn't be for a long time.) Anyway, on to this one, kind of an opposite turn from the last; I'd say this drabble's direction diverts in an altered post-ep.34 era.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist; if I did, the main idea of the drabble below would be canon.

Drabble 9: It Begins

"He's so cute."

"Thank you so much Winry," Ed began with sarcasm to mask his annoyance, "for voicing how you felt, when we already knew that with the way you've been oggling Greed!"

"I was talking about how cute he is when he's sleeping!... And I haven't been oggling him!"

"What do you call your eyes following his every move and that constant dribble of saliva?" The young Rockbell shifted through her jacket, and the Elric prepared himself for the wrench, but then Al, as tradition demanded, stepped in with the age-old, "Knock it off you two," altered by the addition of "You'll wake him up."

"No need to worry about Greed," said Martel, her muffled voice disturbing Ed further; he'd rather the woman would get the hell out of Al, but... (Flashback: "DAMN IT! IT'S TOO FREAKIN' CRAMPED IN THIS CART!"--Edward Elric, in his age-old mad and short routine; "What were you expecting, you **are** trying to fit 7 people in a relatively small cart."--Izumi Curtis, in her age-old practical sensei routine; "Dibs on first class!"--Martel, cheerfully leaping into Alphonse Elric, who just as cheerfully let her in; "There ya go, problem solved; a little more space for us."--Greed, being just as calm as he had before, when he suggested an alliance against the other Homunculi between himself and his own with Ed and his own, which said Ed had found himself agreeing to, after being struck by Al's puppy dog eyes; "..."--gagging Edward Elric)

"Yeah, that guy can sleep through an explosion," added the dog chimera, whose name still escaped Edward.

"That's not an exaggeration," the largest chimera--with another name which escaped Edward--replied in a blank monotone. "He **did** sleep through an explosion back at the Devil's Nest; believe it or not, Kimbley had once caused an accidental fire." The huge hulking figure of a man glared at Al, or more precisely, his passenger. "Martel should know; she was the main cause of the accident..." A weak chuckle from the snake chimera that actually soothed Ed a little.

"I swear, the way Greed looked then, I thought he was going to try grounding us like little kids..." A rustle in the hay stacks, a sleepy mumble later, and the elder Elric found himself in the unacceptable position of being hugged by Greed. Amazingly, the boy was so freaked out over this new development, his throat froze, silent. All he did was stare at Alphonse with wide golden eyes that rivaled his own brother's puppy dog eyes; should he ever learn to use them properly, the world would be doomed.

Ignorant of this hidden doom within Ed, Al was still trapped in stupefied shock, and Winry was just beside herself with unbridled jealousy; Martel, and the two other chimeras with the impossible-to-remember names were busy with stifling their laughter. And the Homunculus continued to unconsciously and sleepily snuggle the boy, his arms gripping him tighter; this increase in pressure actually galvanizing Edward to begin wildly struggling and cursing--falling back on a normal standard in other words. Greed's possessive embrace just tightened, and by that point the elder Elric could feel the fuzziness of the Homunculus jacket, and he thought how nice and comfy it felt, then promptly swore to beat himself up later over that moment of temporary insanity.

"Uh...Martel?" Alphonse's hesitant voice reached the snake chimera amid all the boisterous laughter. (By then, the chimeras just gave up and started giggling like mad.)

"It's the way he sleeps," wheezed out the woman as she began wiping away her funny bone-induced tears. "Being greedy and all, he **always** has to be holding something when he's sleeping, even if it's just a nap. Although, Greed's usually snuggling a pillow or some random girl."

"..."

"But it's normally just a pillow," Martel put that truth in quickly, easily detecting Al's unease.

"Fine. Just. Get. Him. Offa. Me." Inwardly, Ed patted himself on the back for a new record on gritting words out of his teeth.

"Uh...we can't," the dog chimera replied lamely--Dorchette! That was his name! The elder Elric would've laughed triumphantly if his struggling hadn't earned an unconscious tightening against his throat.

"Greed doesn't let go of what he thinks is his, even in sleep--"

"Brother! Just slip out of your jacket--here, let me help you." And with that, the armored boy quickly took hold of Ed's legs, and yanked him from the red coat, which Greed clutched tighter to his chest as he flopped fully onto the hay, slipping from the wagon's boarded walls. Finally free, Edward directed a most venomous glare at the Homunculus. Well, it **would've** been a most venomous glare, had the boy not caught sight of Greed's innocently content smile against the crimson jacket. Then he just sighed, both wondering how long until Ishbal, and amazed at how similar the Homunculus was to Al when he had slept before...

A/N: Totally AU, and what I wished would've generally happened on the show; Greed and all of his chimera crew should've allied themselves with Ed and his crew against the other Homunculi, whom they all seemed to dislike, or often find themselves fighting against. So much cool plot and character development could've resulted from that prolonged existence and alliance... Anyway, from now on, I think I'll have this drabble referenced for a bunch of other drabbles I have in mind, in which their continuities welcome a living Greed getting along with the main FMA cast; I promise to say so in author's notes if that happens.

P.S. So happy to get a favorable review from the one who inspired my story here, Shiruba Neko; thank you so much! (And am still eagerly waiting for an update on your Scar drabble series...)


	10. Drabble 10

A/N: Thanks for last drabble's reviews! (I had been worried that Greed's snuggling might've been viewed as overly fluffy...) To Hebi R.(I loved your "Slothful" story by the way, it should say so in your reviews.)--I do like your suggestion, but didn't the lizard guy die too, at least in the anime? Of course, AU would be the answer for that little problem... But the truth is, I don't really **remember** that guy too well, so...I don't think I'll put him in anytime soon, but maybe later in the future. Anyway, this is in continuity with drabble 9, and the beginning of something holiday-oriented; uh, for this to work, let's just suspend logic and fact for a bit and pretend that in that altered post-ep.34 era I started last time, things are in a little less need for speed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and I don't believe Santa would give the entire property to me, even if I did ask him very nicely.

Drabble 10: What's This?

Something strange was going on, and as far as Greed could tell, it was wide-spread. Wanting an answer, he went to Martel.

"Things have been weird," the Homunculus began as he plopped down next to the snake chimera, who was busy sharpening her dagger; he couldn't understand why, it looked as lethal as ever to him. A small noise behind him, and Greed could tell Ed had started to eavesdrop on them, the fee calculations for this latest hotel room laying forgotten on the dinner table.

"Eh?" Martel didn't look up, still focusing on her weapon.

"Every town we pass through--any place with people--there's all these bright decorations, stores have been packed, a bunch of singing, and there's always some fat guy dressed up in red with a fake beard, and all the kids flock to him." Martel was staring at him now, her emerald eyes wide and the dagger hanging limp from her fingers. There was a faint creaking from Ed's chair, as if he were waiting with his breath held in disbelief.

"Is it some kind of new festival celebrating the cold that cropped up while I was sealed? I mean, this whole thing started when winter began to actually freeze, although I don't really get the point in celebrating the cold--"

An echoing crash of the chair, the boy yelling "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CHRISTMAS IS!" in a voice that was surprisingly unagressive, just filled with innocent shock, and Martel snapping at him with a venomous "EDWARD!"

"So it's called **Christmas**..."

"What about Christmas?" It was Dorchet, Al and Roah at his back; the guys had returned from the market, stepping around Ed--who still lay prone on the ground with the chair in disarray--as they set the goods down.

"Greed doesn't know what it is," said the elder Elric in a low voice as he snapped up, quickly standing the chair upright again, a varied string of "WHAT!" following in his wake.

"Is that a bad thing?" Greed's question was a little meek, worried over everyone's reactions, consisting mostly of loud shock--except for Martel.

"No, not really, it's just..." Greed was getting really disturbed now as **Roah's** voice drifted off into weakening silence.

"How can you not know?"

"Thought you were paying attention to your eavesdropping shorty," the Homunculus snapped, uncharacteristically losing his typical calm not over the mystery of this Christmas, but over reminders of his damn seal. "I've been out of action for approximately the last 140 years..."

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT, YOU--"

"Ed, hush--"

"But Al--"

"Could Christmas not have existed 140 years ago," wondered the armored boy, easily getting away with ignoring his brother.

"Must've; it's the only way to explain how Greed doesn't know," Dorchet replied as he reached into one of the grocery bags, pulled out a beer can, and tossed it to an appreciative Homunculus, who quickly snapped it open and began gulping it down in enthusiasm. The dog chimera passed more beer along, tossing another to Martel, just handing one to Roah since he was close enough, and offering one to Ed, who politely declined with a blush tinting his cheeks; Alphonse gazed longingly at the alcohol.

"Christmas is a simple thing," the snake chimera began, putting down her half-empty beer. "It's about spending time with family, and giving gifts to each other."

"Used to be uber-religious though," put in the dog Chimera before returning to his drink.

"Uh-huh," called Al from all the way in the kitchen, busying himself with placing the groceries in their make-shift cabinet. "It was--**is** the birthday of Jesus Christ."

"...Wait, that's a person, not just some new curse word?" This time, **everyone** stared at Greed.

"...This is going to take a while," muttered Martel to herself as Ed, Al, Dorchet, and Roah started to explain Christmas to the Homunculus with more telling and precise detail.

A/N: Next time, more Christmas cheer. (P.S. This drabble's title named after that song from the awesome movie The Nightmare Before Christmas, by Tim Burton.)


	11. Drabble 11

A/N: Thanks again for last drabble's reviews, and sorry, but I need more time for the next Christmas installment; now, here, if you blink, you might miss a little Greed/Martel action; although, Envy's first visit to the Devil's Nest will be perfectly clear. (To Hebi R.--I've tried my hand at drawing that hilarious pic idea of yours; still working on it, but when I get it on I'll let you know, and anyone else who's interested too.)

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 11: A Case Of Mistaken Sex

Dorchet and Roah out shopping at the market, Tucker absorbed in labwork, Kimbley...well, hopefully not committing more acts of arson, Martel stuck stumbling upon a little scuffle between Greed and this girl with wild ivy hair--all in all, an almost typical day for the Devil's Nest crew. Now, this scuffle wasn't necessarily an actual scuffle...scuffles tend to be small fights, not blown-out wars which caused various damage to the surroundings, namely the bar in this case. The snake chimera did notice that Greed was trying to protect his property and take the battle outside, but this palm-tree girl was really giving him a hard time. Before Martel could move in and join the conflict, it escalated upwards, i.e. palm-tree girl nailed Greed in the chin with an impossibly flexible kick, sending him sailing through the roof, and she swiftly hopped after him through the resulting hole.

Martel ran the stairs in no time at all, barely wasting a breath as she skidded onto the roof's exterior, witnessing a bit of conversation between Greed and his opponent that revealed 1) they knew each other from before the seal and 2) that was because they were both Homunculi.

"So, what," began the snake chimera as she calmly leaned against the dome-like passageway to the tavern's roof, grabbing the Homunculi's attention. Greed looked a little concerned, yet happy to see her, while the other--Envy, she had been called--gazed at her with a predatory interest that almost made Martel take a step back; the snake chimera knew that under the circumstances, she could handle herself and Greed wouldn't let anything happen to her... Quietly, she marveled at the unknown sensation of feeling protected by someone else, and couldn't remember the last time she felt this way, or if it ever even happened before.

"You guys come off a bad relationship 100+ years ago? Is she your ex-girlfriend Greed, or just a persistent one-timer?" Martel looked at her friend curiously as he actually started to look extremely sick, and so did Envy, but that woman seemed also to be trembling with seething rage; obviously, her last comment/joke had unwittingly struck a serious chord.

"Martel, Envy's a guy." Half a beat of silence later in which somewhere crickets started to chirp, Martel burst out into a fit of laughter, tears actually beginning to stream down her face, and she bent in on herself, holding a recently opened stitch in her side. The woman cut off her laughter once catching the dead-serious looks on the Homunculi's face, and all she could muster was a "Oh, you were serious?"

Somehow, Greed had managed to fend off Envy, which truly was a feat in itself, due to the **male** Homunculus's largest fit of rage yet in a long course of rages, and he told this little fact to Martel as she massaged his back. Honestly, Greed had not initiated this little massage session; he hadn't learned until now that the snake chimera knew how to even do it. He had been well aware though of how stubborn she could be; Martel had insisted she massage his back, to deal with the Envy-inflicted bruises, and he was reminded of how hard that palm tree bitch can hit.

Thus, late at night, Dorchet and Roah returned with brown-paper bags laden with goods, Tucker emerged from his lab, Kimbley looked waaay too happy with gray cinders in his hair, and they all gawked at the scene of Martel having fallen asleep while massaging Greed, lying flat onto his back, the Homunculus himself actually starting to snooze earlier, having felt the overly-comfortable effects of a snake chimera massage job.

A/N: Meh, this was a manifestation over my own gender-confused feelings over Envy; for the longest time, I thought he was a "she", and when I finally found out otherwise, I didn't...handle it very well. ("WTF! Envy's a guy! OMG, this happens too much in anime! You get this apparently fascinating girl, then turns out she's actually a guy, and to me it always expresses a sexist-cheat...I mean, male characters already seem to have the majority of appearances, and probably about half of them look perfectly like woman, but they're not, but they could be, if the writers made them so, they could be so easily!" ...My inner-feminist overreacts. Should be ignored. In retrospect, Envy's gender-confusion makes sense, with his shapeshifting powers and all--it's appropriate he can pass for a girl or a guy; also, could be logically categorized as a cross-dresser...) And honestly, Martel's my favorite romantic partner for Greed; must do more drabbles with them later... Promise, next time will be more Christmas cheer!


	12. Drabble 12

A/N: Thanks for the drabble's last reviews; here's the next Christmas installment.

Disclaimer: Tried the Easter Bunny, but he won't give me the entire Fullmetal Alchemist property; says it's not even remotely his business, but he does give stuff away...mostly eggs and chocolates, but still...

Drabble 12: I'll Be Home For Christmas

"O.K., now that I'm up to speed, can we get a tree now?"

"...**WHAT**!" Greed made a point of looking above Edward's head when asking Al, "Is your brother always this loud?" The armored boy briefly nodded before adressing his elder brother with a "Of course we can get a tree."

"No we can't!" The Homunculus couldn't help but smirk as he noticed Martel, Dorchet, and Roah slowly retreating away from the Elrics, sensing an upcoming argument that warned of a volcanic explosion. Yet in the back of his mind, Greed felt a little...worried; the boys were beginning to fight too much, and too agressively...

"Why not?" Asked Al in a voice that clearly showed he was just toying with Ed, surreptitiously steering his brother into ultimately agreeing with him. The Homunculus rather enjoyed when the youngest Elric went into 'Devious Bastard Mode', and it was a sign that there would be no volcanic explosion, so long as Al was in control of the argument from the start.

"Oh, there's just the little matter of the Philosopher's Stone and the freakin' Homunculi!"

"Ed, the Philosopher's Stone didn't stop us from celebrating Christmas last year--don't give me that look, I **know** you had fun, so don't bother trying to convince me that you thought it was a big waste of time."

"Also, didn't you guys say that taking a break is part of the Christmas tradition?" Asked Greed, taking a step forward, manifesting his re-entry into the conversation. Ed just looked moodily away, but consented to an agreeing nod.

"Besides brother..." Done with 'Devious Bastard Mode', Al shifted gears and went to his puppy dog eyes, and started to radiate bright pink sparkles, similar to that brawny soldier Roah had tangled with before. "This is Greed's very first Christmas, and it has to be perfect, with all the presents and the tree and ham and turkey--"

Greed smiled as the armored boy continued prattling excitedly, but it grew to the point that the Homunculus couldn't keep track of the words, but he still tried to listen to all Al said.

"--and snowmen, snowball fights, snowforts, home-baked, fresh-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies--"

"We can't celebrate here Al!" Snapped the elder Elric, waving his metallic arm to indicate their rather dingy and cramped hotel room; his younger brother deflated a little. Before Greed could knock him upside the head, Ed blushed, turning away again and continued with "This rathole won't do at all, it's not even on the same level with that cafe from last year's Christmas; no, the best place would be back home, in Resembool--GAH!" The boy had reason to yelp, having been captured in Al's enormous bear hug; Greed chuckled, easily replacing the plan to knock Ed's lights out with affectionately ruffling the boy's blonde hair. He snickered at Fullmetal's grumbling, delighting in the boy's helplessness while in the grips of Al's continuous hug.

"I'll go check train times, find the ones heading to Resembool," said the Homunculus as he opened the door, inviting Martel, Roah, and Dorchet to help him; it ended up with Martel going with him, Roah and Dorchet staying behind to cook dinner, and Ed in the midst of formulating plans to escape his younger brother's hug.

A/N: Al's 'Devious Bastard Mode' inspired by Kimbley's comment in the Adult Swim ep. 40. I'm thinking of writing the next drabble as an account of Greed and Martel while their checking trains for Resembool, but I'm not sure yet... Also, I'll try to make each drabble in the Christmas series named after a holiday song.


	13. Drabble 13

A/N: O.K., "tried" was the key operative word when I talked about naming each Christmas drabble after a holiday song. P.S. Thanks for the last drabble's reviews.

Disclaimer: The crew I had hired to secure the Fullmetal Alchemist property was recently arrested, so yeah, I still don't own it, and probably never will...

Drabble 13: In Which Our Heroes Arrive in Resembool for Christmas

Greed had worked to banish boredom from the train ride, his efforts driving all of his companions up the wall, much to his delight. Although his favorite part had actually been learning Christmas songs, which had also given him the additional bonus of listening to his chimeras sing for the first time, as well as the Elrics. And yet, the game of strip poker came as a close second. (Al and Ed still weren't entirely sure **how** the Homunculus had persuaded them to participate... Both were guilty of oggling Martel though, desperately ignoring the background snickers from Roah, Dorchet, and the greedy one himself.)

Once free from the tangled mass they had all fallen into during the mad scramble off the train, Greed found himself on the typical opposition against Mr. Shrimp Alchemist when it came to Resembool; he didn't find it boring at all, but beautfiul, all coated in the snow he hadn't seen in ages, and rather peaceful. (That peaceful opinion was later broken a bit, around the same time Ed conceded that during Christmas, Resembool was as hectic like any other place; the stampede for some new shipment of toys had been an eye-opening experience for all.)

Greed was reminded of Winry's crush when she made a beeline straight for him, completely passing the elder Elric, who slammed his head against one of the walls in the Rockbell residence in a dismal style, hastily pretending he hadn't started to raise his arms for a hug from the hyper mechanic. (The issue was soon addressed--there would later be a huge group hug between both the Elrics and Winry.) As Greed sweatdropped and allowed Winry to hug him--actually ruffling her hair a little, which made her desperately stifle her delighted squeal in the fur of his jacket--he once again thought for at least the 100th time that the boy should get his ass into gear and just ask her out; the Homunculus knew there was no way in hell she'd reject Ed.

"Scieszka!"

"Hi Al--GAH!" Mr. Shrimp Alchemist introduced the ex-libarian, official state bookworm as she continued to be hugged by the armored boy. Later Ed would seethe with rage, and Greed would whistle an innocent tune, as they would both overhear Scieszka excitedly whisper to Winry, "You were right! Greed **is** hot!"

But until then, Al and Ed introduced the Devil's Nest Crew to everyone else, and made the warning that since they were pretty much wanted fugitives of the state, their time here in Resembool for Christmas, and their very meetings with them would have to remain top secret. Winry was fine with this before, and although a little nervous, Bookworm was sincere in her promise, and Pinako...

"Feh, I'd sooner invite these guys to a state-bashing discussion rather than deliver them to those damn military dogs." Martel got along very well with the wizened mechanic.

And now...

"You've never been in a snow fight either! What, they didn't have snow 140 years ago--OW! AL, YOU HIT ME!"

"BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING AN ASS, ED!"

"Guys, relax, it's no big dea--" The Homunculus paused, struck by the guilty expression on blondie's face. The boy bowed his head, sighing before he said, "Al's right; that was low of me. I'm...sorry."

A beat in which crickets chirped somewhere, and everyone else out for a snowball fight--Winry, Martel, Scieszka, Dorchet, Roah; Pinako was inside just watching, while pretending to be busy with some automail business--just stared at the trio, wondering what would happen next.

"...Woah, my first Christmas Miracle. Ed, you actually **apologized**. To **me**."

The spectators smacked their heads, Al sweatdropped, giggling a little, Greed smirked, and to his credit, Ed just growled quietly to himself.

A/N: Heh, next time, a snowball battle royale...sorta.


	14. Drabble 14

A/N: Thanks for the last reviews, here's the next drabble in the Christmas mini-series.

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.

Drabble 14: Concerning the Many Types of Flying Projectiles

"O.K., we have an even number here, so I'm with Martel, Dorchet, and Roah, while Al, Winry, Ed, and Scieszka are together."

"But, Mr. Greed," began the Bookworm, before Winry roughly pushed her out of the way of an incoming snowball.

"GAH! We're starting!" Squealed Scieszka as the mechanic hastily shoved a snowball into her mittens.

"OBVIOUSLY!" Ed snapped, while dodging one of Martel's projectiles and sending out one of his own. Then the boy's head promptly slammed back as Greed's snowball connected, the Homunculus fiercely yelling, "DON'T BE SHORT-TEMPERED WITH HER!"

Soon, Team Devil had Team Elric against the ropes, their constant barrage of projectiles banging against them from all sides.

"Hah! Experience wins again--WOAH!" Somehow, Greed had managed to shove his entire crew out of the snowy tidal wave's path...of course, himself getting buried underneath; the upside was, the snow felt really nice, and he soon enjoyed how it melted on his tongue. The Homunculus could dimly hear Dorchet growl "No fair, Ed! We never said anything about using Alchemy!"

"Exactly," snapped the boy triumphantly. Smirking, Greed soon went into his own personal mode of 'Ultimate Shield', bursting out of his snow prison and tackling an unsuspecting State Alchemist to the floor, although going down a hill had been unplanned. The pair rolled down and down, tugging and hitting each other, both using their own areas of expertise, snow not only pelting them from the hill they were skidding down, but also from a playful barrage from all of their comrades above...all except for Scieszka they soon learned. Once Ed and Greed untangled themselves from each other, lying on their backs and laughing, they noticed how freaked out Bookworm looked, and the others noticed as well.

Human and Homunculus scrambled up the hill, just in time to hear Roah ask Scieszka what was wrong. Up close, Greed realized that although the brunette was trembling a little, she didn't really look scared, just really shocked. It took a couple more seconds for Bookworm to find her voice, but when she did, she turned to Winry, and asked in a breathless tone, "Did you know Greed was an alien?"

The 'alien' felt his head swing back in surprise, a sweatdrop form, his feet slip a little, but that small imbalance was enough to send him toppling down the hill again. Again lying on his back at the foot of the hill, the Homunculus just stared up at the sky with a "Why me?" look spread on his face, not even minding the cackles he could hear from Martel, Dorchet, Roah, and Ed above. Alien indeed, he growled to himself...

A/N: Inspired by Scieszka's hilarious alien theory mentioned in ep. 38; I just had to throw that in when imagining first meetings between Bookworm and the greedy one himself... Next time, more Christmas cheer!


	15. Drabble 15

A/N: Feel like recapping the Christmas continuity thus far--drabbles 10, 12, 13, and 14, now 15.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 15: Turkey Run

"Figures **you** would draw the shortest straw, Edward," said Greed in an attempt to steer the boy's attention away from the mass of people struggling to enter the marketplace; it didn't work, Mr. Shrimp Alchemist's golden eyes were still fixed in horror.

"...This is your fault," Ed mumbled, apparently the very sight of the crowds making him too tired to screech.

"Pinako needs that Turkey," the Homunculus muttered absent-mindedly as he analyzed the crowd, trying to find some way in... On the other hand, Ed was busy regretting over even participating in the earlier short straw contest, the one that determined who would guide the Homunculus through the local market for a new turkey, so much so that he never caught Greed's demonic smile; swiftly, he plucked the boy off the ground, and managed to toss him straight over the crowds and through that small gap left in the doorway. Fortunately, Ed still had the presence of mind to curl into a roll and land feet-first on the tiled floor.

"Go ahead! I'll catch up with you!" Greed shouted before plunging into the crowd and trying his hardest to barrel through without drawing too much attention to himself. (Ultimate Shield was out of the question, as Martel had specified in a never-ending lecture, but there was no way he could resist using his innate and freakish strength--the trick was to use it in small degrees.) The Homunculus resisted a sigh of relief, since for once Mr. Shrimp Alchemist had listened to him; Greed managed to catch an unmistakable flash of gold and crimson moving further into the store, before a particularly nasty bulge of people cropped into view. As much as he tried, the Homunculus ended up losing all sense of time during his uphill struggle with the crowd; once he was finally in, it was amazing how quickly that sense returned--with his capabilities, it only took him about 10 minutes to get inside.

"Yeesh! It's worse inside..." Muttered Greed as he immediately ran for the meat section, and indeed the marketplace was infinitely worse on the inside; it resembled more of a place crawling with ants than anything else. The Homunculus passed approximately 12 brawls, leaped over 7 of those brawls, and dodged 3 falling shelves, before finally skidding to a screeching halt as he gawked at the sight of Ed getting his ass kicked by a remarkably spry lady with more wrinkles than Pinako; her cane just kept beating the boy down over and over again, his arms too busy shielding the turkey--TURKEY!

"Ed--GAH!" The old hag had launched her freakin' dentures toward him! Luckily, Greed had ducked beneath the dentures' path--but just barely, a few strands of his dark hair were forever trapped in their grip--and it became even more fortunate, since his presence had distracted the hag long enough to give Mr. Shrimp Alchemist a chance to run away with the turkey--well, more like hobble away.

Not entirely sure how they had managed it, the pair left the hag choking on their dust, although they were certain that during the process of escape, Greed had ended up carrying Ed on his back, although the boy still had enough strength to hold the bird. They weren't even sure how they ended up being cornered by a mob screaming for their bird.

"THE NEXT PERSON WHO COMES AN INCH CLOSER **WILL** BE SKEWERED!" Yelled the Elric as he threateningly waved an alchemically conjured spear from his perch atop Greed's back; still, the mob ventured closer without fear, an angry froth actually gathering around their mouths.

"Ed, try aiming the spear toward the turkey." The Homunculus breathed another sigh of relief as Mr. Shrimp Alchemist once again obeyed him, instantly pointing the weapon toward their turkey; there was an immediate stirring of fear within the mob, and one of them actually edged closer and nervously asked, "Now, you're not actually considering--"

"Oh yes, I'm actually considering shredding this fine turkey into a million useless scraps not fit to even make stuffing," Ed sneered, wickedly jabbing his spear into the bird with a light and teasing touch. Instinctively, the mob took a step back, and Ed continued with "That's right, let us through, or else..." Another light jab against the bird.

At first, Greed slowly walked through the mob's hastily cleared path, but soon he began running like hell toward the cash register, Ed still on his back with the spear still fixed on the turkey. It was amazing how quickly they payed, but once outside, the pair took their time returning to the Rockbell home. Well, technically, the Homunculus made their return home slowly, for he was the one doing the actual walking; he didn't have the heart to make Ed walk right now, especially with the boy starting to nod off and snuggle the turkey as if it were a stuffed animal. But a bright smile lit the Elric's face as a light up ahead shined, and it took Greed a second to realize it was coming from their destination.

"Mom always used to do that, shine a light for Al and I, quietly telling us to come home... Winry does it now, though."

"...Your mom sounds like she was a clever woman."

"She was, Greed. She was..."

A/N: The whole scenario was actually inspired by a DBZ fic, oddly enough; it was called Thanksgiving Day Terror, written by Lauryn1, and I found it pretty funny.


	16. Drabble 16

A/N: The Christmas continuity as of now--drabbles 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, and now 16.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 16: Greed in Reverse

Greed had gone overboard with the presents.

"Uh, I know there was a Secret Santa, but, um..." None of them could get over how sheepish the Homunculus looked, nor could they get their eyes off the huge and bulging sack he eagerly pushed toward them.

"Hell, I couldn't resist." And with that, he gently shook the sack, all the presents sliding out in a variety of sizes and names--Martel, Al, Dorchet, Roah, Ed, Winry, Scieszka, Pinako, even the dog Den.

There was only one thing to do. Greed settled back with his egg nog and the camera he had gotten from his Secret Santa, Pinako, as he watched and heard the ripping of wrapping paper.

To Winry, auto-mail related stuff of course, new tools and a book that recounted auto-mail's history and steel upgrades. (She squealed in delight, especially over Ed's state watch nestled in its small box; after the elder Elric's rage, everyone had a good laugh over that joke, even Winry wasn't disappointed at all, and Al asked Greed how he had managed to get his hands on it without big brother's notice.)

To Ed himself, a rare book on alchemy he had idly looked for as a side-quest, and a set of small daggers reminiscient of Hughes'. (While the boy happily chattered to Al about showing the daggers to Hughes when they saw him next time, Winry and Pinako shot small glares at Greed, who merely shrugged; he knew they would come in handy for Ed...)

To Alphonse, a book on 100 types of felines, and hidden within the pages was a magazine picturing rather revealing women, the exact one the Homunculus had caught the armored boy riffling through the other day; in addition, a blank journal accompanied by a pen and pencil, and written on the interior cover of the journal was this message written in Greed's messy scrawl: "Suggestion--write down all your plans for when you have your human body back. #1, I guarantee I'll get you to try some beer, maybe even some egg nog if there's any around!"

To Pinako, some auto-mail related stuff, but the centerpiece was a new pipe, with a note stuck on that said, "For blowing the largest smoke-circles ever to grace Resembool." (The old mechanic smirked, immediately putting the pipe to the test, and the youngest ones actually gasped as the smoke-circle kept growing and growing and growing...)

To Martel, a gun and a dress. (While most people stared at the gun, Dorchet, Roah, and Martel herself stared at the dress; they were both a soft black, and when the snake chimera looked at the Homunculus, who just blushed and smiled, she found herself blushing and smiling as well.)

To Dorchet, a new sheath for his blade and a book of poetry, as well as his own blank journal with its own pena and pencil and its own message of "Read me any stuff that's meant for an audience, o.k.?" (Ed was surprised their resident swordsman was a poet, and the dog chimera offered to let the boy skim through his new book a bit; Dorchet looked pleased as the elder Elric remarked how poetry didn't seem as bad as he first thought.)

To Roah, a silvery pocket watch, a new set of cards and a dartboard game. (The dartboard game was immediately put into play, and it was planned that it would later that night be used for Martel's lesson to Ed on throwing daggers.)

To Den and Scieszka...really, just bones and books respectively. (Both dove head-first into their piles.)

All the while, Greed busied himself snapping photos. His fanged grin from the camera paused as he noticed the glazed look in Mr. Shrimp Alchemist's eyes as he watched him, of course not really seeing him.

"What?" The elder Elric shook himself, anxiously waving Greed off, and he let it slide, since he listened in seconds later when the boy confessed to his younger brother his fear that the Homunculus would develop a camera-fanaticism like a certain you-know-who. Greed figured he'd find out later who this camera-fanatic was, after a little more egg nog...

A/N: Dorochet's poetry is inspired by another fic on drabble 14 in laylah's Never Enough, Greed/Everything series. Martel has a gun, because frankly, I imagine she needs one, and the same thing goes for Ed's new daggers; had fun giving Pinako a Gandalf-styled pipe; really had fun giving Al something to satsify those hormones I imagine are overactive since being bound in a suit of armor; also, Greed with a camera...well, I always thought he and Hughes were quite similar. But, the **toughest** thing about all this was figuring out what everyone would be getting, and I think that in the end, I won't be doing that again...


	17. Drabble 17

A/N: Christmas continuity--drabbles 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and now 17. Almost near the end of the holiday arc!

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.

Drabble 17: Mistletoe

"What's wrong Martel?" Greed was puzzled, and a little concerned; the snake chimera had the the most strained expression on her face as she looked above them. Ever curious, the Homunculus looked up as well, to see what had Martel so distressed. He blinked rapidly; it was nothing but some sort of plant, hanging from the ceiling amid small blue ribbons.

"Mistletoe," breathed Martel in a voice that the Homunculus could've sworn actually squeaked.

"And?"

"What?"

"What's the deal with Mistletoe?" The snake chimera immediately turned around to Dorchet, Roah, Ed, and Al, their card game on pause.

"...Oops?" It was all Dorchet could offer, Roah was repeatedly smacking himself in the head with his card, Ed was rocking with restrained laughter, and Al began a quick explanation.

"Greed-san, it's...it's, uh, customary for 2 people during Christmas--a boy and a girl--to kiss when they're under Mistletoe." Awkward silence in which crickets chirped. That silence soon turned into awe; with an unreadable look in his violet eyes, which soon disappeared upon closing them, Greed leaned in gently, and softly kissed Martel's forehead. Yet quickly, he pulled away, peering out the window counting snowflakes, that same unreadable look back in his violet eyes. The snake chimera was still and quiet, before finally leaning in as well, wrapping her arm around Greed's shoulder and just as softly as he did, kissed him on the cheek. He looked surprised, yet he rested against her, but in a hesitant manner, as if expecting Martel to push him away.

She didn't.

A/N: I had planned to put in a funny ending to this one, but then I just decided to leave it as it was, a somewhat quiet ending. (Since it ends quietly and focuses on Greed/Martel, I didn't return to Dorchet and Roah and Ed and Al...but maybe I could write another drabble focusing on their reactions to this...)


	18. Drabble 18

A/N: Taking a small break from the holiday arc, this drabble's in direct aftermath of the last one, could even be viewed as Greed's thoughts as he's resting against Martel by the snowy window back at the Rockbells' place. (Also, I've never done 1st person POV with Greed before, so let me know how that works out, please.)

Disclaimer: I have no legal claim on Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 18: Inhuman Love is Always Unworthy

I'm...hesitant with Martel. It drives me insane. I want her, I know that, with every fiber of my being, down to my very core--I want her to be **mine**. And I know...I know she wouldn't object. Maybe even welcome me...

My desire cannot be mistaken; I don't want Martel the same way I get other women, the same way I whore to them. I don't want her for just the sex, never have...but something more. Something I'm already getting. I'm getting it when we just talk with each other about stuff important, and stuff not so important; I'm getting it when she's angry with me for my recklessness, and all she can do for an hour straight is scold and lecture; I'm getting it when I taste her cooking, when we spar by ourselves, or with the others, that once included just Dorchet and Roah, but now Ed and Al; I'm getting it when I can just watch her live.

But hey, me being greedy and all, I want more.

...Damn poetic the only obstacle is myself. Maybe it's nature; maybe it's true that every Homunculus, down to its core, has some level of self-loathing and self-isolation. Bottomline, I keep running around in circles, keep returning to this simple fact: Martel's human, and I'm...I'm just not.

Dorchet is though.

...Jesus Christ, I'm just as screwed up as the rest of the Homunculi, no matter how hard I fight it.

A/N: Pretty sure this is my first stab at Greed angst, and he is a really tough guy to do angst with...which, ironically enough, is part of his appeal; his easy-going nature is very likeable. And yet, me being a fan of fanfiction angst...and I suppose everyone feels pain at one point or another, and that should include Greed... For now, this is in a way my form of compromising between both of my interests in Martel/Greed and Martel/Dorchet; so hard to choose between the couples... (None of you guys think Greed and Dorchet would fight over Martel, do you? I don't, never did; always thought them too mature for that, and too close as friends...but there would be some form of tension, I imagine, then of course there's always Roah to help smooth things out...)


	19. Drabble 19

A/N: Officially ending the holiday arc with some form of angst; may return to the arc though if inspiration strikes...

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.

Drabble 19: Calm Before the Storm

They'd be leaving in the morning, and Greed wanted to take one last walk through Resembool.

That was what led him to pad up that snowy hill and find her, Ultimate Tsunami, staring blankly into the distance, looking positively miniscule in her ivy green coat. Just as blankly, Greed realized he never truly learned the name of this new Homunculus during her last threatening visit to the now non-existent bar back in Dublith. This time around though, she wasn't threatening at all; if she was, she wouldn't have bothered trying to start a normal conversation.

"You're standing where the bedroom used to be."

Well, a conversation bordering on normality.

"Was I?" Greed asked thoughtfully as he stepped forward, his thoughts rammed into overdrive; apparently, this hill once bore a house, a house in which Ultimate Tsunami used to live in, and the Elric boys said they had burned their house down, in which they had performed the taboo of human transmutation...it wasn't difficult for things to fall into place.

"Now you're in the hall."

"Where are you?"

"...Hell."

"Ah," began Greed as he stood next to his Homunculus sister, staring not into nothingness like her, but at the stars, which were warm and inviting. "The room where you died, I assume?"

"No, no, the room where I was reborn." He nodded, and finally she turned to him, her eyes no longer blank, but filled with something odd. Took him a minute to realize it was understanding, and another minute to realize he shared the same look.

"...A scream was the first thing I heard."

"Something to really test those new ears, eh?" She actually smiled a little.

"Me," Greed continued, deciding he should return the favor and share some of his own early memories. "Me, I was born in a mansion."

"How fortunate, born into a life of luxury and status." He just threw his head back and laughed, long and hard.

"...Why are we not fighting?" Greed never thought her voice could ever be so meek.

"Well, you haven't attacked."

"Then why haven't you?" She was glaring now, frustrated.

"Like I said, you haven't attacked."

"...It won't be the same next time." The glare was gone, replaced by the earlier blankness.

"Wasn't expecting it to be, Darling," he replied smoothly, his voice teasing.

"Please," she sneered, looking more like the Homunculus who had stepped so arrogantly into his bar that first time. "Call me Sloth."

"Well Sloth," Greed said in a mock-sneer, settling back into care-free when he finished with, "Merry Christmas to you." He began padding back down the hill, only freezing in solid shock when her voice commanded, "Wait. Don't go Greed. Not yet."

And so he returned to her, and they both nestled into the snow more comfortably, and he showed her constellations in the sky from where he laid, and she sat in rapt attention. How much time passed, they couldn't really say.

"...Your bones aren't in your grave, are they?"

"...Dante had them removed long ago."

That was their last exchange. Obliviously, both Greed and Sloth traveled on the same train the next morning, though each had their different drop-off points. Yet, both Homunculi were filled with confusion, but again that too was different; Greed's turmoil was no less than Sloth's, but he wasn't being slowly driven insane like she was.

A/N: More Sloth-Greed interaction, thus in continuity with drabble 8. I hope the scene didn't seem awkward, especially since I've been looking forward to writing it for a while, and in the end, I think it turned out well. Although, still on the fence thinking of Sloth/Greed, if there even be any, and if there is any, how far it will go...


	20. Drabble 20

A/N: Thanks for the last drabble's reviews; this one is in continuity with all the drabbles except 3, and 5-7. Specifically, this one helps lead to the events in drabble 9.

Disclaimer: This is getting old--I have no legal claim on Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 20: Rumble in The Big House

"Al, where are they?" I didn't have to specify who 'they' were, just dodge another blast from that damned Dante; armor boy was still occupied with her own band of chimeras, although a lot less talkative than mine, and not nearly as pleasant.

"Martel and Dorchet and Roah must still be in the forest with my brother and those 2 other Homunculi; we were separated, but I thought they'd be here by now--"

"Why here?" Didn't mean to snap, but I've grown to learn that's the only form of talking that can be done in the middle of a really nasty fight; old hag throws pillar, I slam it back toward her, she slams it back, I roll out of the way, will **not** be caught in that ridiculous pattern--

"Those Homunculi mentioned Dante's home as if it was really important--" SNAP! and there went the last of the chimera's necks; Alphonse was scarily efficient, but in an impressive way. Damn it, attentioned wavered, freakin' large fist materialized out of the floor, strikes me back hard and far away, almost off the balcony. Through slitted eyes, I see the kid run toward me, metal clanking even louder, and my eyes widen considerably as the old hag's alchemic fist punches him back too...right above an array I hadn't even noticed until now.

Things are going quickly, the array's starting to glow directly below the place where Al's blood seal is, Dante's new face is illuminated, I'm running like hell; come on, come on, come on, come on--YES! But just barely; I only manage to pull armor boy away to preserve that vital blood seal...the same cannot be said of his lower half, which is nothing more than molecules dispersed on the atmosphere now, the array's blast still firing for a full second more before finally dying and fading away into blankness. The old hag looks so pissed, I'd laugh if I wasn't once again running like hell, holding Alphonse above me...not to the side, that'd be too difficult--

"GREED!" I'm still amazed at how Dante always manages to keep that same screeching volume with any new set of lungs she steals. But never mind that--have to get out **NOW**; Al's not safe, but the kid has to be kept safe though, so no fighting, just a hellish race to the door...or window, or whatever's convenient. Knock down stuff while I go, major stuff, like supporting pillars and such, anything to get in the old hag's way, buy us some time...that strategy's worked before, why shouldn't it now? Sure, it's been over a century, but still--Izumi? Shit, it **is** her, heading down one of the trails outside, what's she doing here--wait, Alphonse obviously. Perfect.

"HELP!" Caught a little off guard by armor boy shouting the same thing as me, but no matter, Izumi has our attention. Sure, we're probably no more than a blur passing through a window to her eyes, but she'll get the plea, and come. I'd like to have her take a Alphonse and go, while I tangled with Dante again, but I seriously doubt she could run with armor in her arms, even if it was half-sized; may have to settle for Izumi distracting the old hag while I took the kid to his brother to be fixed--an alchemic tentacle ropes around my legs, a gasp from armor boy as I begin to lose my balance, not even bothering on trying to stop my fall, focusing instead on tossing him to his teacher, not expecting her to catch him but to guard him when he landed. I lose sight of Al, no time to even brace myself for the fall, but turns out there's no fall, but something worse; another freakin' tentacle springs out, catches my neck, and I needn't have bothered unsheathing my dark claws...they're also tentacle-bound, although not pinned to my body, but stretched out to their breaking point, and I lazily wonder if Dante's going to rip them out of their sockets. No, she settles for the neck, cleanly snapping it, but she's so damn specific and nit-picky, I'm still conscious, but wavering. Stupid human bones, too weak and healing's gonna be a real slow bitch...

But--o.k., darkness is really coming closer now--but the old hag seems so pissed at me, she'll probably--really, uncomfortably close--leave the others alone, and they'll have time to be safe for a bit--Martel's yelling, she's here, but there's nothing to say, nothing at all, I can't--

A reminder of one of the reasons for why I left Dante: to kick the annoying habit of getting knocked unconscious.

A/N: Meh, I figured that if Al came across an apparent Lyra vs. Greed, he'd instinctively take Greed's side...then of course, his decision would be solid if apparent Lyra--Dante, of course--started attacking him too; feh, I'm just a sucker for Al-Greed friendship. Anyway, you'll find out what happens to Greed next in another drabble...but not the next one; sorry.

P.S. That reference to Ed with the chimeras fighting Lust and Gluttony...he just ran into the whole crew during that cabin, and Al made a move, or something like that, then chaos erupted...details on that will be in another drabble too, one that will arrive eventually.


	21. Drabble 21

A/N: In continuity with drabbles 1-2, and 8-20.

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 21: Greed 1/2

"GREED!" Ed tried screaming the Sin's name again, but ended up choking on the overwhelming clouds of smoke that enveloped everything. Then there were sounds, and the boy hoped it was Greed, but no, those were the sounds of Roah's boots slamming the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" Ed winced, never hearing the large chimera so loud before.

"I was doing an alchemy experiment, and Greed just ran in here, chasing a cat--"

Immediately there was a resounding MEOW! and it struck Ed that he had no clue where the feline had come from, but then he thought of Al, and then everything made sense.

"GREED!" Ed was now scrambling through the smoke, his hands clawing for any part of the Homunculus, and the boy had completely forgotten Roah--there! The elder Elric had touched Greed, but his form was limp, undoubtedly unconscious; the boy began dragging him toward the door, and soon he remembered Roah, for the large chimera had moved forward and just plucked the Homunculus from his arms, carrying him out as if he wasn't an Ultimate Shield. Running after them and slamming the basement door shut, mentally cursing the cat and leaving it inside for a bit of perhaps misguided punishment, Ed began to gawk. Then he promptly fainted, crumpling into a heap.

"We heard screaming--"

"Is Greed in trouble--"

"What's going on--"

All of Martel's and Dorchet's and Al's voices mingled with each other when they arrived on the scene, but then died off; Roah had been silent longer than them, his eyes still glued to his master, who had--but it was impossible...

Yet it happened. The Homunculus was...well, he looked more like a 'she' now.

It was clear that the Sin was still Greed, evident by the clothes and the glasses and the Ouroborus mark and the hair color and probably the violet eyes too, if they weren't closed at the moment. But the body...Greed's chest wasn't flat at all, everything about him looked more lithe and slim, the hair wasn't upright and spiky, but pouring down in shoulder-length curtains...which were actually still a little spiked. The expression was very similar too, very Greed-like, all calm and amolst child-like in the peace--it was just set in a woman's face.

A silence passed in which crickets chirped, and like a wind-up toy, Ed sprang up, wide-awake, jumping back quite a few feet into the air once realizing he hadn't been dreaming, the Homunculus was a girl...

"ED!" Martel slapped the boy's gloved hand away from the Sin's breast, and for the life of him, Ed couldn't recall ever commanding his body to do **that**.

...The Homunculus was a hot girl indeed, to actually activate the Fullmetal's hormones in such a profound way.

A/N: Inspired by Ranma 1/2, interest in Greed feminized, and general interest in doing a gender-bender story; keep an eye out for its continuation...which won't be in the next drabble, sorry; but eventually!


	22. Drabble 22

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews!

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 22: That First Night

When consciousness finally reigned supreme, when the Homunculus could see beyond the bloody mist, he found himself clinging to some desk of great elegance, although the elegance meant nothing to him, it was solid, it was firm...that was what mattered to him. That, and the woman, even if she looked kinda scary. She was just standing there, a young thing garbed in nothing dramatic like pure white or utter darkness, just a plain dress colored some shade of green. Just standing there, her dark eyes probing him, picking and prodding, cooly examining the flaws he **knew** were there; the flaws were there in the streams of blood still splattered on his face, they were there in the excess of tears and sweat, in the abnormality of his fangs, in the deathly white of the flesh that wasn't quite right, in the wide violet eyes that saw too much--everything was wrong.

His breathes came in shearing gasps, but they were comforting to the Homunculus; **they** felt right--

"Greed." The Homunculus would rather have not learned his name at all, if it meant he wouldn't have been forced to hear her voice, which was more frightening than everything else about her; the woman's voice had a--it had an ownership over him...

"Eat these." The woman offered a small leather pouch, and Greed found himself accepting it in curiosity, and then thanking her in politeness and genuine gratefulness; maybe she wasn't so bad, perhaps he was just being impulsive. Gingerly plucking out a crimson jewel, Greed never noticed the brief break in the woman's ice, the eyes shocked by his meek "thank you". He never noticed her disgusted sneer thereafter. The Homunculus just softly licked the stone, before finally popping it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

Then everything went horribly wrong.

Once the jewel had been fully dissolved in his fanged mouth, his right arm vanished. Or it felt like it vanished; it was certainly numb, but a loud BANG! indicated it had struck something hard, but again--the numbness. Greed's teeth clenched as he observed his right arm, the sickening dark blue creeping further and further up; they clenched further as he heard a delighted gasp from the woman. Amusing, was it? Amusing that this blue crap was violating his entire body? Because it **was** violating all of it; the sick blue didn't stop with his right arm, it went to his left, and he could see it rise up his legs, up his chest, it was sealing everything off from the air, from the very sensation of **touch**...

The Homunculus felt the urge to whimper, but he fought it down, at least until the dark blue began crawling up his neck, finally cutting off his face--then, he not only whimpered, but completely lost his grip, and fell brokenly to the floor, taking all his will just to gather his sliced-off limbs into himself, all curled up and weak. Greed couldn't breath, he couldn't breath, not at all, no breathing, oh **god**, he couldn't breath, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he wished, no matter how hard he prayed, no matter how hard he whimpered...

And the blood-stained symbols on the floor--they formed an alchemic array, he'd learn the word soon--seemed to be laughing at him as they pressed against his face, the one that couldn't feel a damn thing.

"Fascinating." Her impersonal flick against his blue prison echoed into his mind, banging it around. "Such hardness, carbon bonds must be altered in a fashion..." He didn't give a damn about carbon, he just wanted out, wanted this shield to leave him alone, so that he may touch the world...

"--must depend on its emotions and mental capacities..." He gave a damn about that, and Greed tried utilizing his will power differently, in a more focused and finely-tuned way, all the while ignoring the woman's reference to him as "it"... Concentrate, tell the shield to go away, concentrate, tell the shield to go away, concentrate, tell the shield to go away, concentrate, tell the shield to go away, concentrate, tell the shield to go away, concentrate, tell--

Greed happily gulped in air once his flesh was devoid of any blue, and he laughed so hard it hurt, but in a good way. So busy laughing, actually laughing himself into exhausted slumber, the Homunculus was again oblivious to another break in the woman's ice, a peculiar look in her dark eyes as she watched him sleep.

"Dante?" The voice wasn't in the room, just outside the door, as if too puzzled to enter; and yet, the voice's owner had his own peculiar look in his eyes as he observed from behind the glasses.

"Don't give me that look Hoenheim," replied Dante blankly, never taking her eyes off the Homunculus who slumbered so innocently. "I'll start breaking him tomorrow." She giggled a little after that, already imagining the screams Greed would make, Hoenheim glaring at her with a dark, yet strangely indifferent venom.

The Homunculus curled into himself further, his smile growing a little wider, his breaths coming in perfectly.

A/N: Another stab at Greed angst; also, this whole scenario--pure speculation, and really fun to write. Also, I've just realized something...I think this drabble collection also works as a testing ground for plotbunnies that could be developed into true long-term fanfics, i.e. the Sloth-Greed interactions.


	23. Drabble 23

A/N: Sorry for the relatively late update, and thanks for all the reviews! This one continues from drabble 21.

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 23: In Which Greed 1/2 Reflects, A Cat Joins the Crew, And Many People Freak Out

"...Oh **god**, I feel like Envy."

"Greed, maybe you should step away from the mirror now." The Homunculus ignored Dorchet, his--**her** eyes riveted to the reflection. He--**She** had checked that the whole body followed all of the mental commands...but it still felt like he was in a stranger. She.

Damn, this was too weird.

"What do you mean you feel like her?"

"Eh?" Greed turned toward Al, but the action made him--**her** recognize how much the new hair flapped around; the sensation was interesting, so the Homunculus busied herself with moving it around some more, tossing her head back and forth, side to side, all the while listening to the younger Elric, who apparently ignored the Sin's otherwise queer behavior. (Perhaps because the whole situation was queer. Also, the boy had to admit, his hormones were as active as Ed's when it came to this female Greed...he just possessed more control, as usual.)

"You said you feel like the Envy woman."

"...Al, Envy's a guy." (God, the voice was too...there was no word for it.)

"...JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU SERIOUS!" His hormones may've been active, but that didn't change Fullmetal's shrillness.

"She's really a he?" Questioned the armored boy quietly, to which Roah and Dorchet and Martel nodded firmly. Ed looked as if he were about to puke. Greed continued playing with the hair.

"...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP THAT!" The boy's golden eyes were practically crawling out of their skull. And Greed did indeed pause in the hair-flapping, if only out of surprise.

"I THOUGHT YOU'D BE A LITTLE MORE DISTURBED BY BEING TURNED INTO A FREAKIN' GIRL!" The Homunculus stared at Mr. Shrimp Alchemist as he breathed harshly from his outburst.

"I'm just trying to be calm about this Ed."

"YOU'RE A WOMAN GREED!"

"And who's fault is that, Brother?" Al actually looked **scary**.

"What kind of alchemy experiment were you messing with?" The Sin put in quickly, hoping to stop the younger brother from crushing the older brother.

"I was--uh, well, I was...looking for a way to ease PMS."

"..." That went for everyone for a while.

"...I knew it Fullmetal, you **are** a girl under those clothes, aren't you?" Mocked the Homunculus, and Ed heatedly replied--did not scream, so points for him--"It's for Winry, damn it."

"...Brother, that sounds a little like stepping on the toes of God."

"No offense Al, but you've **never** gone through cramps..."

"I know Martel, but..."

"Well, at least there were no missing limbs or bodies this time around," Greed replied brightly, and Roah replied just as bluntly, "No, only a sex change."

"Anyway," Dorochet snapped gruffly, his left eye beginning to twitch a little. "How could Greed turn into a girl just from some alchemy wanting to fix PMS? It seems a little...out there. Too much of a stretch..." (The dog chimera muttered quietly to himself, "It definitely ranks a 10 on my Weird Shit-O-Meter...")

"...I'm not really sure--"

"You better get sure--"

"I know Martel, I know--"

"I'll help Brother investigate--"

"MEOW!"

"...Kitty!"

"Damn it Al!" Growled Ed, finally remembering the feline who was still locked in the basement. "This is all that stupid cat's fault! What were you thinking, bringing it inside! We've been through this before, we don't have the resources to care for a--"

"Ed, I brought the kitten inside," the Homunculus said smoothly as he--**she** strolled to the door and unlocked it, calling the feline to her, and soon a bundle of white fur rushed into her arms. "You know it's raining, and it was all alone outside and soaking wet..." Greed faded off as she stroked the cat, making it purr loudly.

"...You brought this on yourself."

"Ed, **you** were the one doing the experiment--"

"I know, damn it!" A tired sigh. "Let's get to work." And with a grunt, Fullmetal descended into the basement first, followed by Al, Roah, Dorochet, Martel, and finally Greed, with the kitten perched on her head; the chimeras could only stare at their boss as he--**she** decided to christen the cat 'Buffy;' Al just complimented the name; and all Ed could do was marvel at how the Homunculus could name a kitten when he just had his whole body turned inside out.

A/N: The Buffy name is such a reference to Whedon's vampire series. Also, always thought that Greed had a soft spot for kitties just as Al does.


	24. Drabble 24

A/N: Thanks for the last reviews, and sorry if this update seems a little late.

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 24: Girl Talk

Alphonse supposed it had been Greed's comment about how amazing his Teacher was that had galvanized him into starting this conversation.

"Martel's just...she's so...um..."

"Come on kid, just pick one of the great things about her, then start listing the rest." The Homunculus lightly chuckled, patting the armored boy on the shoulder.

"Oh, please be careful Greed-san, you might wake her--she **is** asleep, right?"

"Al, I just checked a minute ago, yes, she's asleep, so you can safely gush about her--"

"But, come on, she's right **inside** me, that's cutting it a little close--"

"In my experience, I find that cutting it a little close can be rather fun."

"...She's just really hot."

"Ah, glad to see you have good taste in women--"

"Taste? I don't know, I think it's just my hormones stuck in overdrive, especially with...well--"

Alphonse gestured toward his armor, and the Sin nodded quietly, once again kicking himself for being so...well, insensitive; the kid had soon explained to him the overwhelming downsides to his so-called immortal condition, and Greed soon recognized himself as an idiotic jerk.

"...But her hotness isn't really just her hotness--I mean, it's not just how Martel looks, it's how smart she is--"

"She's a damn clever woman all right."

"--and how nice she is--"

"Very observant kid; most guys would just write her off as a cold-hearted bitch."

"--and how brave she is--"

"Oh yeah, brave. Sometimes foolhardy brave, but..."

"Well, everyone has foolhardy bravery at one point or another."

"True, true..."

"O.K., your turn; I wanna hear you gush about Teacher."

"I don't know kid; some of the material I have is rather mature, and she **is** your teacher after all--might put her in an awkward light--"

"Greed-san!" The Homunculus just chuckled, then began talking about Izumi Curtis.

A/N: I love AlxMartel, and here's a little more GreedxIzumi fluff. (I stand by the idea he was crushing on her a little...) Timeline here, a little screwy; manga-inspired, perhaps? In the manga, there was a point in between the Greed/Izumi fight and the Greed/Ed fight where this could be set...


	25. Drabble 25

A/N: ...Just saw ep. 50, "Death", on Adult Swim, and I...I just had to write this. (Ep. 50 spoilers, obviously.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 25: Regret

Greed could explain this as a weird characteristic of the afterlife; how one minute he had been...well, higher up certainly, lounging about as he watched the life unfold below along with his chimeras, then suddenly **there**, beneath, an invisible ghost kneeling amid blood in the old hag's ballroom.

Hazily he wondered where the boy's mother was as the Homunculus softly traced the Ed's face, still so warm, but the eyes quite dead, even if it still held shock--not fearful, just numb; the blood kept growing, and Greed tried to remember if he himself bled this much in Dante's other place, that damned mansion. He remembered how Ed had screamed though, in perfect clarity; his Ouroborus hand stained in that affair, ripping through last shreds of innocence and leading into Slothful damnation, and for what? For this?

"I'm sorry."

Eyes just as numb, it was all the Homunculus could say.


	26. Drabble 26

A/N: First drabble 21, then 23, now this...all part of the 1/2 Greed mini-series!

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 26: In Which Greed 1/2 Gets Fashion Advice from the Elric Brothers

"Greed..."

"Yeah Ed?"

"...Take off the vest."

"Huh? Why?"

"As a guy, you were able to pull it off, but as a girl, well..."

"What Brother's trying to say, Greed-san, is that since you're smaller, the fuzz on your jacket looks too big, and it makes you look--"

"Weird, Al's trying to say you look weird, and so am I, and we just think you'd look better without it right now...you know, until we get you back to normal."

"Well, if it bothers you guys that much," the Homunculus replied nonchalantly, slipping the vest off, and Alphonse quickly offered to keep it inside his armor, so he--**she** gave it to him with a thankful smile, then went back to playing with the kitten. (At first, all of them had buried themselves in alchemy books, but Buffy kept poking in so much, that finally Dorochet had suggested through gritted teeth that Greed occupy the cat, considering that the Homunculus was actually the only one who could deal with the creature--it snubbed and snarled at everyone else.)

While Ed helped Al put the jacket away, both shared a devilish smile as they gazed at the female Sin's delightfully bare shoulders, her skin smooth and luscious.

A/N: Perving Elrics are fun, and this is a nice change of pace after the last angst one...


	27. Drabble 27

A/N: Update in like, forever. (Sorry, been into Pirates lately.)

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, or Greed, or Al, or Scar, or...I own none of them, all right?

Drabble 27: Only for You, You Damn Loyal Bastards

As a rule, Greed hates taking orders. He supposes it's simply because of his initial upbringing; Dante does not foster a nurturing environment. She'd breathe down his neck, Envy barking out her orders as the lapdog...Hoenheim, he could take orders from him before, but now... And yet, the old man was the first example, the realization that the Homunculus could obey, if he trusted the person in command, or at least agreed with him, or to satisify him out of some form of affection.

_I'm running, Al and Martel are running, we're running, leaving Dorochette and Law far behind, but they said, they** said**..._

Greed just hates taking orders.


End file.
